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A Chaotix X-Mas: Sakurai and the Roster Imposter/Original Story
The snow piles were building and the wind sent chills, and all could tell that the winter had come. The Nintendo employees had eaten their fills, and their Christmas dinner was now nearly done. Reggie and Bill gave thanks to their guests, as the workers sang their carols merrily. But Sakurai's face held not even a jest, and in fact he frowned in a way quite contrarily. "Is something the matter, Mr. Sakurai-san?" Miyamoto asked, his emotions invested. "My cheer for the holiday season has gone," Sakurai answered with a look quite detested. He blew heat from the top of his drink as it steamed, and quietly slurped from his hot cocoa cup. "The hype for this game has crushed what I'd dreamed. Those fake leaks have turned my fandom corrupt. "While I wished to bring surprises and joys galore, the Smash community has gone up in a huff, "Though my last surprise was Incineroar, to those expectations it just wasn't enough." Miyamoto scratched the base of his chin, and sympathized deeply with the pain of his friend. "With a fandom that big, you can't really win. Someone will always be disappointed in the end." Sakurai smirked with a wistful distance, as if his true feelings were far, far away. "The truth isn't pretty, and has broken my resistance. Deep down, I know, that it's true what you say. "But still, I can't help but to feel quite flustered," ''he admitted with a calmness, yet inner despair. ''"With all of the hope and love I had mustered, you'd think they'd be grateful for how much I care." Reggie entered the convo to give his two cents, ''"It's painful to see your emotional recession, "But I have an idea, to have the leaker repent. Let's make them pay for their transgression!" "Now there's an idea," ''said Miyamoto with chuckles, ''"Violence may be the answer, it seems. "Let's find the leaker," ''he cracked his knuckles, ''"And show them what crossing Nintendo means." "''But who?" asked Bill Trinnen, his eyes stern and cautious, "Do we know who it is that we're going to clinch?" "It's this guy," ''Sakurai answered, as if he were nauseous, pointing to a picture. ''"It's the god damned Grinch." "The Grinch is real? I'd have never expected!" cried Bill, ''"And you say that he leaked the last fighter?" "He leaked a false roster," ''Sakurai corrected, took out a cigarette, and then flicked his lighter. He puffed smoke as if air, much like his son, Kirby. ''"And though it was convincing, it just wasn't real. "To see all of their favorites enter the derby, and to have their hopes crushed; think how that must feel." ''Those at Nintendo closed their eyelids, sadden to think of the dreams they had dashed. Mach Rider, Banjo, and the three Chorus Kids... never would they, or others, get smashed. It's not that Sakurai didn't want to provide, and perhaps they'd be playable with a little more time. But to add that many was just a heinous lie, which is why this leak had been such a cruel crime. He gazed into a picture atop of his desk, of two brave hedgehogs before their last challenge. The echo that wasn't caused pain in his chest. "Shadow, my friend, I promise you... revenge." With planning, he thought, his goal'd be a cinch. His street justice would leave everyone talking. He stabbed a knife into the photo of the Grinch. "This green bastard's a dead man walking." Elsewhere, in Whoville, chaos did churn, and looters took to the streets to steal. Riots raged and fires burned, and two gangs clashed, #TeamFake and #TeamReal. But that's not where our story goes next, the place we will go is somewhere quite close. In the caves of the mountain, green muscles flexed, and the Grinch, always scheming, let out a boast. ''"Foolish fans!" ''he cackled and jeered, ''"I've toyed with their each and every desire! "And at the last moment the real direct appeared, and their hopes went up in a blaze of fire!" ''As he danced around, he dwelled on his reasons. Why is it that he gave Nintendo such crud? Yet winter, each year, always came with the seasons. A hatred for Christmas just ran in his blood. With Ultimate coming, he saw endless potential. So much excitement from limitless crowds! Ripe for the picking, to cause crisis existential. He'd pull a trick which would make even Ganon proud. Character development, is that what you say? At the end of his story, did he not learn his lesson? Though his heart sure did grow three sizes that day, so did the cartridge of his Smith and Wesson. He knew, in the end, that his fight wasn't done. And as such, he put on his military camo. From above his fireplace he grabbed his gun, and loaded it with thirty nine and a half caliber ammo. His faithful dog, Max, dutifully appeared, and carried in his mouth a rolled-up paper. He hopped up to the table by leaping from a chair, and presented the plans to the Grinch's next caper. A scroll of parchment unrolled on his table, and on it he'd detailed his his every last move. If anyone could do this, just he would be able. That was an assertion he was ready to prove. "Step One:" ''he began, self-narrating his stratagem, ''"Infiltrate NASA's launch pad B. "Step Two:" ''he continued, the second of ten, ''"Break into a shuttle and steal a Saturn V..." Now that was a sample of things yet to come, and our story returns to our Smash Bros creator. Within his briefcase was a respectable sum, which he promised to pay to a large alligator. He stood in a room with a jukebox and fan, in an office which felt out of 1933. Which made him stand out, a regular man, when compared to a croc, chameleon, and a bee. The Chaotix detective agency would prove, as per the slogan they carry with pride, That no bad or evil, even on the move, could escape from the services Chaotix provide. ''"You serious?" ''asks Vector, the crocodile skeptic, ''"That's a whole lotta cash to pay right up front." "He's made a mistake, and wishes to correct it," ''said Espio the stoic, ''"So let's start the hunt." "So, we're getting paid to find a green snob?" ''spoke young Charmy bee, their last accomplice. Vector smirked. ''"Then let's do our job! There's honestly nothing Team Chaotix can't accomplish!" "So let's get down to business," ''Vector began, grabbing his phone to perform data crunches. ''"It seems the Grinch and his dog Max have ran," ''read Charmy, shadow boxing the air with some punches. ''"Word on the street is they were seen leaving town," ''Espio confirmed from the info in sight. ''"They may have left tracks as they traveled around," ''Vector inferred, assuming his partner's right. ''"Time for some sleuthing," ''Espio stated, ''"We're detectives you want on your side." "I'm counting on you!" said Sakurai, elated, "Go, detectives, and track the Grinch's crimes!" ''Back to the Grinch, he got into his shuttle, and pushed the pilot out with a scoot. The astronaut jumped, rolled into a huddle, and luckily left safely with his parachute. By then, however, the Grinch had reached space. His rocket pushed to break atmosphere. The world below was round and smooth-faced: it reminded him a little of Sonic 3's blue spheres. ''"Our target's in front of us, full speed ahead!" ''so said the Grinch to break his dog's trance. ''"Maintain steady flight, or we'll both be dead!" ''he commanded poor Max with authoritative chants. Their flight path was handled with poise and grace, and they entered the location of their plan's next part. The Grinch had succeeded, with a confident face. ''"Welcome, my friend, to the Space Colony Ark!" ''Back on Earth, the Chaotix acted, hot upon the Grinch's trail. They planned to fulfill the mission they contracted, and Team Chaotix would never fail. With snooping and searching they found his old lair: a grungy, worn-down cave on a peak. But there was no Grinch, only stagnant air, for gone was the target which they were to seek. ''"What's this?" ''called Charmy, seeing a scroll, drawing his teammates near to look. Espio sighed. ''"So space was his goal." A simple glance was all it took.'' "So how do we get there?" ''Vector thought hard and long. ''"Oh wait, that's it! I know just who to dial!" On his phone he called Luigi and Donkey Kong. "Hey, buddies! Can we borrow the Great Fox for a while?" G.U.N. soldiers fell as the Grinch made his advance, his weapons blazing with bangs and pows. Knocked all aside, they didn't stand a chance, like that scene from Sonic Adventure with Pachamac and the Chao. "The Ark is ours!" ''Grinch defiantly tweeted. As he took the control room, he was quite content. Any resistance had already been defeated, for the space station's defenses had already been spent. The next step he planned required that which he packed, for he was prepared like a smooth criminal. The Grinch then tugged to open his sack, within which he carried the Chaos Emeralds. He inserted them into a device to give power, bringing spectacular light into the room. But the door was kicked down and his mood was turned sour. Thus spoke Vector: ''"Dr. Eggman, I presume?" The Grinch shook his head, for that wasn't the case. "That isn't my name," ''he said with a pout. ''"I was just joking," ''said Vector, straight faced. ''"I know your real name is Oscar the Grouch!" "That isn't it either- ah, well, it means nothing. It's too late for you weaklings to stop my attack." Charmy laughed lightly, "I bet that he's bluffing! We aren't in danger, he can't do jack!" "Your games end here, your plan wasn't clever," taunted the ninja, towards the Grinch's fallacy. However, the green man pulled down a level, and fired a laser which blew up the Good Egg Galaxy. "Time out! What the heck!" ''a stunned Vector shrieked, pointing with aggression, ''"Have you lost your marbles?!" Each time the Grinch tapped his foot the floor creaked, "Why are you even here?" ''he grumpily garbled. Team Chaotix took a firm stance, drawing their weapons and holding their ground. ''"We came to warn you of your last chance! And then we would tell you to stop playing around!" The Christmas crook cocked the hammer of his gun, and carefully he steadied his aim. With his sight down the barrel, a question he spun. "Do you think this is a fucking game?" The detectives flinched, but their wills held them steady. "Why are you doing this?" ''the small Charmy cried. The Grinch scoffed, for his plan was ready. ''"I wanted Banjo in Smash, and I will not be denied!" The Kringle Conspirator snapped his fingers politely, and the Chaotix felt that they were in danger. Five new figures jumped to him like lightning, for the Grinch had summoned the Axem Rangers! "Five new fighters, the dog, and the guy," ''said Espio, ''"That makes our target count seven." Espio brandished and readied his kunai, and Vector dual wielded his Mac-11s. Back at Nintendo, the workshop did panic. They were terrified of the plan that the Grinch mastered. "He'll blow up the Earth!" ''spoke Nate Bihldorff, manic, ''"This is terrible! A Christmas disaster!" They watched in horror as the Ark's laser charged, its cannon radiating with cosmic distortions. Into the room, Mr. Miyamoto barged, "Isn't the Grinch blowing things a bit out of proportions?" Sakurai was reeling, but stoic with grief. He couldn't help but blame his own actions. "It wasn't your fault the fake roster was leaked!" ''Miyamoto assured him, in consoling reaction. Aboard the Ark, the battle raged fierce. The Axem Rangers were strong from revival. Vector wrestled the controls from the Grinch, trying to stop the next beam's arrival. Charmy rapidly stabbed his stinger like a sword, and Espio threw Yellow with Diddy's Hoo-Hah. The Grinch pushed Vector, who hit the keyboard, firing a laser and barely missing Utah. The eclipse cannon's shot left all viewers in awe, grazing the Earth with uncomfortable heat. Nothing would stop the Grinch, no man or law. The Nintendo staff decided to retreat. ''"We all need to hurry, there isn't much time!" ''Reggie rallied with hurried urgency. ''"... Let's call our new friend," ''Sakurai chimed, ''"After all, this is an emergency." The group of them nodded in perfect sync, and readied their radio watches with speed. A new member answered with no time to think, and in a gargly voice asked, "What do you need?" Axem Black got Vector into a lock, exposing his openings and weak spots moreso. Red pulled a switchblade out of his sock, and almost stabbed Vector in his torso. Espio saw that his friend was in jeopardy, "Ninja power!" he shouted to his beholders. With his blade he killed five without any discrepancy, their heads sliced cleanly off of their shoulders. This murderous violence was shocking no doubt, but the Axem Rangers were truly no more. Poor Charmy gagged and passed right out, after seeing their heads roll across the floor. The Grinch had another trap yet still, for within his hand he held a remote. The Chaotix were trapped inside of a capsule, and now to his prisoners he could gloat. "I hope you're ready to go for a ride! I'll jettison this capsule back down to the planet. "When the capsule burns up, your ends will be nigh, and no one will stop me from firing the cannon!" From nowhere, a spiked ball burst into the scene. ''"Not while I'm around, you can't!" It crushed the remote into smithereens, and before the Grinch stood Piranha Plant. He used his plant feet under his pot, to punt Max flying away like a football. ''"Sakurai said things didn't look hot, and told me that I could come and help y'all!" The potted plant stretched out his neck quickly, his elastic vines sounding like a slide whistle. His sharp teeth shattered the capsule case slickly, bursting through the cage just like a missile. With their prison now broken the team left it like Skype, careful not to get cut on the glass. Joined by Piranha Plant, who gave the team hype, ''"The Chaotix are going to kick your- *gong noise*" Before the Grinch could react, the Chaotix fired all. The place where he stood was peppered with bullets. Though he avoided becoming paste on the wall, he took a hit to the leg, though he rather've wouldn't. He crouched and took cover behind a computer, nursing his wound as blood dripped down his thigh. Victory would go to the quickest shooter, and the Grinch was worried he was going to die. ''"No! Not like this!" ''he screamed quite resolved, calling his dog to his side once more. There was a way for his problems to be solved, and with rage he tinkered with the cannon's core. From within the computer he changed the settings, and he worked as Max distracted his foes. On this one last gambit, the Grinch was betting, while Max chomped down and bit Espio's nose. The ninja carried a bone for just such an occasion, and when he tossed it the dog gave chase. The canine fell for the harmless persuasion, while Vector sent a punch to the Grinch without grace. The green meanie wouldn't take this silently, and he pulled a stun gun to give Vector a shock. While the crocodile sputtered and spasmed violently, the Grinch retaliated with a kick to the cock. Vector's scaly balls throbbed in pain, bringing the leader down to his knees. ''"That's a low blow!" ''said Charmy with disdain, ''"Now he'll need to take medical leave!" "It'll take more than that to beat this Crocodile!" Vector boasted, his voice strained and hoarse. In truth, he'd been planning his next move for a while, and now was the time for his play to take course. ''"I think it's time you met our secret fourth member," ''Vector explained, with a cocky grin. Piranha Plant spread out like snow in December, and with this next move the gator was sure they could win. The Piranha Plant lost control of his limbs, sending them crawling and growing with fervor. All of his vines grew like jungle gyms, overtaking the cannon's master server. The Grinch was then tangled and caught in his place, as Piranha Plant's form was both flora and fauna. The mastermind of the attack revealed his face: Piranha was given life by Giorno Giovanna! The Grinch broke the vines though it took some struggling, with the emeralds in hand he started to scramble. He summoned his dog and they began huddling, as a stand fighter was more than he could handle. The two of them nodded and the Grinch gave a sigh. He shouted and called over the Biolizard. He gave his dog Max a kiss goodbye, and tossed the pup into the monster's gizzard. The two of them fused in a blaze of light, blinding the spectators with immense exposure. The Biolizard was now out of sight, and the Grinch cackled madly as his plan neared closure. The whole station shook and the whole station trembled. Outside, a new foe had been just given birth. The Final Hazard shrieked so loudly it rumbled, fused with the colony and headed towards Earth. The monster had gone crazy, and lost all reason, so intimidating most people would see it and scamper. But the beast's form fit very well with the season, as the Final Hazard had a red nose and an antler. "Now the whole colony is going to fall!" ''the Grinch explained of his master plan. With the stakes this high, there was no time to stall, but there was something the Chaotix still didn't understand. ''"So you didn't get the roster you dreamed, so you'll blow up the Earth? That doesn't make sense!" Even the Grinch was reluctant it seemed. "Yeah for this part of the plan I was kinda on the fence. "But if I can't smash the way I desire, then no one will smash at all, I say! "Maybe the eclipse cannon can no longer fire, but I'll destroy the Earth in some other way!" There was no time to lose, and the Chaotix knew such. But then they saw Piranha grow with virility. They looked to see Giorno giving the plant a touch. ''"This is my stand, Gold Experience's ability!" He infused the plant with the power of life, and vines wrapped Final Hazard green as could be. He then decked the vines with colorful lights, and soon the beast looked like a big Christmas Tree. Giorno smirked and explained his reasoning, ''"Let's remind these foes of the good Christmas spirit!" Team Chaotix grabbed their instruments, to add Christmas seasoning. They'd play carols so loudly the lizard could hear it. They weren't very good, but they were still musicians. The monster's heart was reached by their song. Though the Grinch had been this whole event's tactician, even he didn't know what the fuck was going on. The Earth was safe now, for the Ark stopped falling. The Final Hazard joined to sing songs with cheer. Grinch realized next it was he they were calling, requesting he join to sing Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. The Grinch felt determined to not end this way, even though he had failed his mission. He held his gun up, surely ready to spray. If he was going to lose, he'd take them all with him. Giorno called forth a humanoid figure; Gold Experience was what the Grinch saw. The stand's battle cry was Giorno's signature, and he screamed out "MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA!!!" Giorno's stand beat the Grinch's ass, striking with punches much faster than sound. The Grinch soared into the wall with a crash, and the inside of a crater was where he was found. In the imprint the criminal was embedded deeply, and slowly he peeled off just like a sticker. As he fell to the ground he was beaten completely, but Sakurai appeared for one final kicker. As he entered the room, all eyes were upon him, and he bowed politely to the angry green man. "I thought that you had attacked us all on a whim, but it turns out you were just a disgruntled fan. "The spirit of Christmas has reached Nintendo, too," ''the man announced, not at all maddened. ''"I see that my choices have effected even you, so I'll make sure Incineroar gets a Grinch color added!" Though it still wasn't exactly the roster he craved, the green colored Pokemon was some consolation. Christmas, that day, was completely saved, and the stars in honor formed a new constellation. When you look up to the sky on a night in December, you'll see a brand new picture in space. The stars formed a pattern you'll certainly remember, a picture of Sakurai punching the Grinch in the face. The Chaotix and Sakurai and the Grinch and his dog, all traveled back to Earth to have a feast. They'd laugh and they'd party all night long, until Super Smash Bros Ultimate was released. With that, our story has come to an end. When you sleep on the 6th, know that one thing is true. If you're good all year, Santa will be your friend, and he'll deliver a copy of Ultimate to you, too. Category:Original Stories